The Eight Sentences:
Dahl returned his crystal tumbler to its coaster on the drop leaf table.
His hand moved with the precision of an artist painting eyebrows one hair at a time.
He leaned into the light and his guest could see that Dahl’s expression had changed — his eyebrows had lowered. The lips were pursed and thin. The corners of his mouth were pulled back into his cheeks but he wasn’t smiling.
Unnerving seconds seemed to take minutes to pass. Remington’s palms became soaked with sweat. Dahl spoke, “You have always given me the impression that control of this man was unquestionable.”
The Back Story:
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This week’s snippet in a continuation of the meeting in last week’s, between the mysterious Mr. Dahl and his guest, a fellow member of the secret organization who controls the world’s leaders, Mr. Remington.
Open call for writers:
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25 responses to ““We need a bit more control.””
Elsa Holland
September 24th, 2014 at 09:11
Sorry I’m late. great snippet. Love the description. the pace really slows down and builds tension. very nice!!
chellecordero
September 15th, 2014 at 01:52
When I was a child and misbehaved, my dad didn’t have to say or do anything, just give me THE look – I felt like I was a kid again. Great 8.
Monica Enderle Pierce
September 15th, 2014 at 01:35
Oh, that grimace says everything. Dahl doesn’t even need to open his mouth. Good stuff!
jtsuruoka
September 14th, 2014 at 20:45
You drop a lot of nuance & character-revelation into a very short space. Nice work, sir.
Joyce
September 14th, 2014 at 20:03
Your writing puts the reader directly into the scene. I can feel the tension. Well done.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/09/weekend-writing-warriors-september-14.html
elainecsc2013
September 14th, 2014 at 17:42
Good tension and characterization.
Eleri Stone
September 14th, 2014 at 15:04
Wonderful detail. Pulled me right into the story.
Allyson
September 14th, 2014 at 14:54
Great job!
sandrajones
September 14th, 2014 at 14:21
I love your character descriptions. Very vivid.
P.T. Wyant
September 14th, 2014 at 13:52
Nice tension and showing instead of telling
Teresa Cypher
September 14th, 2014 at 13:37
Nice! Tension as thick as library paste. I love how you paint a scene while infusing character building. 🙂
burnsmillie
September 14th, 2014 at 12:37
Mr. Dahl is one intense man…you have me shuddering in my shoes and I’m not the one in trouble : )
EE Giorgi
September 14th, 2014 at 12:11
oooh, love how you build tension through the carefully crafted descriptions, well done!
Cecilia Corona
September 14th, 2014 at 11:14
First reading but I already feel the intensity of the scene. Can’t wait to catch up next.
Karen Michelle Nutt
September 14th, 2014 at 10:45
He’s in trouble! Nice visual too. I could feel the tension build with each description.
Frank Fisher
September 14th, 2014 at 09:29
This my first time reading this, but I like Mr. Dahl’s personality already. The drinks in the accompanying image is a nice touch. Bourbon or whiskey? Nice snippet!
FCEtier
September 14th, 2014 at 09:33
Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Frank.
It’s scotch.
Frank Fisher
September 14th, 2014 at 09:37
That would’ve been my next guess, I’m not in tuned with spirits.
Gem
September 14th, 2014 at 09:18
I believe that comment means Mr. Dahl is upset and Mr. Remington is in deeeeep…trouble.
FCEtier
September 14th, 2014 at 09:25
Yes, both Remington AND the one they seek to control, are in trouble.
Sarah W
September 14th, 2014 at 08:43
I like your new digs, Chip!
Mr. Dahl never disappoints—that man is frightening.
Linda Hamonou
September 13th, 2014 at 23:49
Oh unquestionable is it really? They seem to have a problem.
I like the new colors.
zeldabenjamin
September 13th, 2014 at 23:03
Great visual – painting eyebrows one at a time. i can feel the unnerving seconds tic by.
Elsa Holland
September 13th, 2014 at 22:43
Nice snippet Chip. Also like the new blog. Can I suggest you put the follow blog widget at the top of the side bar and have the FB one before the twitter. Fb gives you much more marketing options than twitter and if someone is going to follow you once you want blog+ email 1st and Fb 2nd 🙂 My opinion anyway 🙂
FCEtier
September 14th, 2014 at 07:21
Thanks Elsa, good ideas.