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The Eight Sentences:
Hula girls and a skull dagger.
Claudia asked, “What’s up with the choice of shirts?”
“The dagger bothers you?” asked Debert.
“I’m not sure…” she hesitated wondering what Debert was up to. “Is he mocking me—or is this some dark metaphor?” she asked herself.
Debert assumed a dignified frown, lowered his eyebrows and intoned, “You remember from your study of history, that in medieval times, before the age of printing, events were often documented with marks on the handles of knives.”
“Mmmmm…..that does ring a bell,” Claudia remembered, “and this shirt with a skull at the junction of the blade, handle, and guard?”
Debert smiled, “Well I have no idea how many skulls, or notches on your gun you might have, but I thought one would represent what you do in addition to all of them in toto.”
The Set Up:
In this scene from The Tourist Killer, Claudia is having breakfast with Mr. Debert at the Sandestin Hilton in Florida. His choice of attire becomes the subject of their conversation. And in the news, Claudia got a great 4 star review this past week. Check it out, HERE.
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January 24, 2015
FCEtier
FCEtier 
19 responses to “Skulls and Bones”
Gem
January 30th, 2015 at 21:50
Great review, interesting snippet that seems smoky and tense and slightly evil.
Iris B
January 26th, 2015 at 06:47
Congratulations on the review … and I like PT’s comment re “dressed to kill” … it kinda sums it up!
Jess Schira (@ridingnwriting)
January 26th, 2015 at 05:54
Great snippet. Chip. I love the inclusion of the historical info. Fascinating.
ceciliacoronaauthor
January 25th, 2015 at 21:45
Such a great snippet. Can’t wait for more.
jtsuruoka
January 25th, 2015 at 20:11
Markings on the knife handle make for a great image. It’s suggestive of so many things…
Aheïla
January 25th, 2015 at 20:11
Interesting interactions between the two of them.
One note on your taglines for dialogues: the first three are a bit repetitive in format and word choice (asked). The other three are also “Subject + said bookisms” (except for the “intoned” line which has some body language wedged in).
I’m mentioning it because it pulled me out of the moment a bit. You may want to vary the taglines to add depth, setting and body language to the scene. 😉
Nice tidbits of information in the dialogues, though! And congrats on the review!
FCEtier
January 25th, 2015 at 20:23
Thanks Aheila, I appreciate the feedback. Sometimes I fear we’re becoming a mutual admiration society and not offering enough feedback.
Aheïla
January 25th, 2015 at 20:26
It’s hard to judge a piece from 8 sentences so I feel it makes sense to focus on the positive. On the other hand, I do believe in helping each other improve. I try to balance it out. I’ve been spending a lot of time on Critique Circle lately, so my brain is geared toward constructive criticism at the moment.
Kate Warren
January 25th, 2015 at 19:44
Congrats on the review. So…dark metaphor then.
elainecsc2013
January 25th, 2015 at 18:34
Congrats on your review, and I loved all the symbolism in the snippet.
veronicascott
January 25th, 2015 at 15:57
Congratulations on the review! Really enjoyed the snippet, all that symbolism appeals to me. Great!
burnsmillie
January 25th, 2015 at 11:32
Claudia doesn’t need notches. Congrats on the review!
Karen Michelle Nutt
January 25th, 2015 at 10:51
Interesting snippet. Enjoyed the conversation between the characters. Great way to give the readers the information they need. Congrats on your amazing review!!
Sarah W
January 25th, 2015 at 08:09
Congratulations on the review, Chip! Claudia and you deserve it. 🙂
I love Mr. Debert. I don’t trust him, entirely, but I love him.
P.T. Wyant
January 25th, 2015 at 01:46
Congrats on the 4 star review!
And I think it adds a whole new meaning to “dressed to kill.”
Linda Hamonou
January 24th, 2015 at 23:26
I wonder if she has any marks on her gun or if she leaves it in perfect condition.
chellecordero
January 24th, 2015 at 22:36
Reminds me a bit of the TV show Elementary where Sherlock is always providing lessons in crime solving to his current protege. Very intriguing set-up.
Author Charmaine Gordon
January 24th, 2015 at 22:09
As always, the dialogue intrigues and informs the reader.
siobhanmuir
January 24th, 2015 at 18:50
Well, that gives a whole new meaning to notches on the bedpost. Good snippet, F.C. 🙂
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