FCEtier

I DON’T KNOW IF THERE IS A GOD, BUT IF THERE IS, LOOK FOR FOUR PAWS AND A WET NOSE

We pet lovers all have our own ways in which we grieve over that inevitable time when we have to say good bye.

In my case, knowing that our dog for the past ten years would die of terminal cancer near his brain, I had plenty of time to plan. Plenty of time because instead of needing to be euthanized quickly given the outlook, with great hospice and vet care he would ultimately live 5 months post diagnosis.

That was fortunate for me. I am Santa Claus and upon learning the news in early December last year, I dreaded the Christmas season for obvious reasons. Hard to be jolly, knowing he was home waiting for me after an assignment. That progressively wasting muscle loss near his beautiful eyes…heart wrenching. And don’t even ask how I handled the kid who wanted a puppy. 

But he made it through December and all the way till early May when the vet, my wife and I all knew it was time. The ashes were given to me shortly after Chenji’s passing. (We actually had chosen to have his euthanasia at home. Some readers may be unaware of that personal and comforting option. Worth discussing with your vet). My plan afterward was pretty simple. Scattering those ashes according to a memorable timetable.

At the one month mark it was to be in our backyard near the azalea bush he posed in front of just before his death. My wife and I both scattered a small handful there. 

At the two month mark I arranged to meet the friend who gave Chenji to us. She had found him, abandoned, under a tree in a local park in September 2008. That seemed like a perfect location to leave some more of his ashes. At the very spot where he came into our lives.

The three month milestone was this past week. It would be at another park where we took him just a few weeks after adding him to our home. Though always good about coming back to us when off leash – that day – Christmas morning – he did not return. My theory is that he took off after some deer. His predator instinct was too overpowering for him to think about returning. Luckily and astonishingly, by the time we got back home, a man was waiting for us with Chenji in his car. He found him on a street heading for our house three miles – and several busy streets – away. So that was Christmas miracle #1 and added to #2 (surviving for all of last December) he and Santa had clearly forged a special bond. 

First Christmas together.

So there I was last week. I am only yards away from where Chenji was likely found ten years ago. I am gently holding that Santa tin which contains his ashes. I deposit some of them there and near a dog park across the street where he was “banished” for being too aggressive playing with other dogs the first few weeks we had him. (A problem which occasionally did surface with our otherwise perfect pooch). So, all the while I am promising him that he is now in a “dog park” where he cannot be banished, and offering up some Rainbow Bridge stuff, I start walking back to my truck. Talking to him some more through my tears. It’s then that I spot the three deer. Two smaller ones and a large one. I am nowhere near enough to be a threat and they saunter off.

Suddenly, the large one freezes and stares directly at us. Our eyes lock. And the communing with nature begins. A remote possibility this is the deer Chenji was chasing 10 years earlier? Perhaps its offspring? No way to tell. But in that moment, I felt some real spiritual force at work. After almost a full poignant minute, the deer goes to join the others but not before one last gaze at Chenji and me.

As if to say “here’s looking at you kid”.

A sentiment that all three of us could have said of the other two.